How to Get Kicked Off Twitter: A Short Guide
Today, Twitter suspended the account of actress Rose McGowan, who has spent most of the last few days using the social media platform to speak out against alleged rapist and sex offender Harvey Weinstein. Also, he produces films sometimes.
McGowan, who accused Weinstein of raping her in 1997 but eventually settled out of court, denounced alleged actor Ben Affleck, accusing him of knowing about Weinstein's long history of sexual misconducts all the while publicly shaming him in recent days.
She told Affleck, the second-worst Batman of all time, to "fuck off." Which, I mean, come on.
Twitter users have long lambasted co-founders Jack Dorsey and Biz Stone for suspending innocuous accounts, seemingly at random, while letting Nazis paint the site white.
Twitter responded to the firestorm by saying McGowan's account was not suspended for asking the guy who somehow got his name into the credits of Good Will Hunting to fuck off, but rather because she tweeted out a private phone number. CEO @Jack released a statement saying the company needs to be "a lot more transparent" when it comes to their policies on suspending and banning.
Allow me to help.
Here is a short guide on how to get suspended from Twitter:
- Make fun of Ben Affleck
- Make fun of Batman
- Make fun of The Accountant
- Make fun of Gone Girl
- Recall that Argo wasn't really as good as people thought it was.
- Reply frequently to @jack or @biz to remind them you're just not that into them.
- Make fun of Gigli
- Remember that Man About Town exists.
- Live-tweet a viewing of Man About Town
- Try posting your own phone number, see what happens.
- Make fun of Matt Damon
- Make fun of Tom Cruise? Roll the dice, baby.
- Suggest that there is, just like, one too many Bourne movies
- Throw George Clooney in there, who gives a shit?
- Watch Jersey Girl
- Seriously, just watch it. Don't even post anything about it online.
Now, a short guide on how not to get suspended from Twitter:
- Proudly espouse via 20-tweet threads that white people are the master race while inciting violence against people of color and also the LGBTQ community.
- Think Adolf Hitler was an alright guy with some good ideas.
- Bomb North Korea.
