Free baseball sucks now
Free Baseball, a once truly rad occasion, is now altogether uninspiring, and we can all gather around the hearth to blame the immensely idiotic new rule that grants a free runner in extra innings.
Almost nothing about the 10th inning baserunning rule makes any goddamn sense.
It takes the bat out of the batter’s hands by awarding a free hit - a truly deranged thing to do in a game that is AT LEAST HALF about hitting. Then, it encourages small-ball to simply eke a run across the plate, transforming what could have been a dazzling overtime spectacle into a wholly unremarkable procedural that is more about beating traffic than playing the sport in a way that is at all engaging.
A quick primer: Some people (read: idiots) think baseball games are too long, so last year, partially due to COVID restrictions, the MLB tested a new rule that if a game goes past the regulation 9 innings, starting in the 10th inning, a runner is automatically placed on second base for the batting team, ostensibly making it easier to score and end the game.
While it was fine in 2020 - who cares, short season - the automatic baserunner rule in a nascent 2021 season has already shown its true colors. It’s killing what used to be a very cool thing: Free Baseball.
For those reading this in 2054, after the ghost of Rob Manfred has completed draining baseball of anything remotely neat or radical, “free baseball” is what we used to call it when a game went into extra innings. The baseball gods were gifting you a new game. You might get a bullpen pitching duel that brings you another four or five innings. You may get a walkoff homerun in the bottom of the 10th. How long will it last? Who cares, baby? It’s free!
Unfortunately, the empty suits running baseball and the game’s most curmudgeonly fans, whose slacks now come suited with a zipper on the ass specifically for the stick, believe that baseball games are too long. (I’ve written enough about this.) So, the MLB decided to unceremoniously murder Free Baseball by instituting the 10th inning baserunner rule.
(Briefly - lest I be quoted as one of those curmudgeons that simply hates any change - I will say that I am fine with some of baseball’s newest rules, like limiting mound visits and installing a pitch clock. It’s very dumb that these rules were created to address the non-issue of “games are too long,” but they’re not unreasonable, and they don’t remove me from the game.)
Here’s why the free-baserunner rule blows whole ass:
It vaporizes the grandeur of what is actually very cool - a leadoff double. With this rule, the hitter does nothing. The fans don’t get to go wild. Oh, damn, the ball was bobbled in center field! Will he try to stretch it into a triple? We’ll never know. We get to see a dude already on the second base bag playing with his belt.
It encourages small-ball, which is universally derided by all reasonable people to be EXCESSIVELY uninteresting. Not a single human in their right fucking headspace actually enjoys watching a runner get bunted to third and brought home on a sacrifice fly. Sure, you may enjoy the outcome. Your team got a run! But do you actually enjoy watching this process play out? You don’t. It’s boring, and you goddamn know it is.
You’ll never see a stolen base. It’s a cardinal rule in baseball to never get the first or last out at third base. With zero outs and a runner at second, it would be inadvisable to swipe a bag. So, the runner is placed on second and stays there, until his team of professional baseball players figure out how to leverage three major league outs into 180 feet.
And finally, because it’s so devoid of fun, I don’t want to finish the game. I’ve only watched one 10th inning of baseball this year, despite my team of choice (the shitty Minnesota Twins) being involved in (and blowing) so many already. Regardless of outcome, these 10th innings are actively tedious.
What could Major League Baseball possibly be gaining from this?
As a fan, it’s heartbreaking how painfully transparent the rule’s purpose is. When the MLB was drafting it, “having fun” was never in discussion, and even more devastating, they didn’t even try to make it interesting.
Conflict: Game too long
Idea: What if runner already on base.
First, shorter games mean less ad time, so the MLB is actually losing potential revenue. Rob Manfred went to Harvard. This isn’t hard.
Second, ending an exciting (read: close) game with a bunt/walk-off sac fly is so devastatingly boring. As a rule, it’s only effective in how well it wards off potential new fans. God, I cannot express enough how thoroughly un-fucking-remarkable it is that the statistically ideal way to end a extra-inning game of baseball in 2021 is to bunt the fucking runner to third. Holy fresh hell, what an unmitigated snorefest.
Games that make it into the 10th inning are inherently close. They could be pitching gems, with both teams flirting with no-hitters, or they could be slug-fests, with each squad driving in runs and always answering each other. A close game is a fun game. It keeps both sides engaged. You want to watch every at-bat because every at-bat matters. How’s about we instantly torch that fan engagement by awarding a FREE HIT with the game on the line, a truly unhinged concept in ANY sport.
What did the NHL do when they revamped their overtime rules?
That’s right. Shootouts, motherfucker.
Universally heralded as the raddest fucking thing in all of major American sports. Everyone loves a good ol’ shootout. When you spell “shootout” on your phone, it autocorrects to little guy in sunglasses emoji hyphen motorcycle emoji hyphen wet spray emoji. It’s everything great about hockey distilled into 8 seconds: fast skating, nasty stick handling, and miraculous saves. Fans love the shootout, and players seem to have fun doing it. Is it AT ALL a fair way of saying “this team is better than that one, therefore they won this game”? Clearly, no. But it’s fun as hell, so who cares? Free hockey, baby.
Is there a baseball equivalent to the shootout? It doesn’t matter.
I don’t want a shootout.
I want Free Baseball.
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Main photo by Phil Long, Associated Press, sourced from the Star Tribune.
